For the past week and half (roughly), my anxiety has been through the roof. There’s no one pinpoint of the source, it’s been a culmination of things. To be honest, this is the busiest I’ve been in awhile and I know it will just get busier and busier. I guess I’m writing this to really hash out what’s going on in my anxiety riddled brain and to hopefully offer some insight into what helps me. So please bare with me as my thoughts are probably muddled which is ironic because I’m at a speaker series titled “The Art of Muddling Through”.
Let’s begin with some things that are going on in my life right now…
I recently got a job (yay!) which has shifted my world. I am used to working during the school year but it was nice not having that responsibility…probably too nice. Getting a job has made my already busy life even busier. But, money is welcomed.
Besides altering my schedule, the one thing that really upset me was working on foco. For those of you who don’t know, foco is Western University’s fake homecoming. It’s essentially a big street party and since I’m graduating this year, I was really excited to participate. But alas, I was booked to work. It would’ve been my first true Western experience since being back from exchange. Plus, Purple Fest was hosting Lil Uzi Vert, Murda Beatz, and Loud Luxury (shoutout to the best university ever). This probably seems silly or stupid, but I was really looking forward to it and the fomo was real. A little too real.
It’s not just missing foco, it’s getting used to a new routine. Along with getting a new job, I’m starting my placement at web.isod.es. Another time commitment. However, I’m super excited for the project I’ll be working on.
These two new commitments coupled with school, being the President of HeForShe UWO, and the Arts & Humanities USC Councillor means a lot of doing rather than relaxing. However, I’m passionate about all of these positions. I love working, I am so excited to do something meaningful with web.isod.es, I am excited to promote gender equality, and I love being the Arts & Humanities voice/sharing information pertinent to the USC.
I think my anxiety stems from the fact that I didn’t think I’d work in clothing retail again. I think it comes from thinking ahead to the future, where I know I’ll get sick and run down from being so busy. I hate being sick because I’m still unsure if I’m allergic to antibiotics and it gives me anxiety even just thinking that being sick could lead me to be on them. I’m also anxious about all the little things, the things I might forget. I’m always anxious that I’m forgetting something, no matter how much I organize my life. I think my anxiety is from thinking about the fact that I am graduating this year and I need a full time job to start in April/May.
I keep writing about having anxiety, but experiencing anxiety is different for everybody. For me, I can’t sleep, my breathing is short, I can’t articulate/think clearly (probably from the lack of sleep), I don’t eat, my heart palpitates, and I have cold like symptoms (sore throat, achy muscles, runny nose, etc). This is how I’ve lived my life for the past week and a half.
What do I do to remedy this? Good question.
- I don’t drink coffee. If I have a coffee, my chances of sleeping lessen and my heart palpitations increase. Instead, I drink tea twice a day. I have homemade chai tea or green tea in the morning and chamomile or sleepy time tea at night.
- I practice yoga, this settles my mind and and exercises my body. Yoga is great for meditation, especially when my practice is of the gentle variety.
- I read for fun. Reading fiction helps me escape my life and I get thrown into a world of my own. Plus, it’s something I enjoy doing so it makes me happy.
- I’m trying to write. This blog is evidence. My thoughts may be jumbled but I’m trying.
- I take long, hot showers. This relaxes my muscles and mind.
- I clean. EVERYTHING.
- I watch a funny show,
- I try and limit my screen time/social media presence. If I’m inactive or ignoring your messages, it’s probably because I’m going through something.
- I cry. It’s cathartic and therapeutic. Emotions are valid!!!
- I cook in the hopes that I eat something I make. I also just enjoy cooking.
Out of all the things I do, I know that I can’t stop. It takes a lot of energy to keep going but if I stop my schedule or break my routine, it’ll give me more anxiety. For now, I’m learning to ride it out while exercising my coping methods. It’s not always pretty, but the extreme anxiety eventually passes and right now, that’s all I can hope for.