Thank you, next to all my past friends. Some taught me fun, some taught me rebellion, some showed me kindness, some showed me care, some showed me what it’s like to have someone always be there, and all taught me that people move on and things change
Personally, being an only child, friends hold a special place in my heart. They are my people, my closest confidants, the people I want to share my clothes with, to hang out with, to gossip with, the do absolutely nothing with. Unfortunately, when most of your friends have siblings it’s hard to get them to feel the same way so I tend to tone down my eagerness.
Maybe my need to have friends be so close to me is why I find it so hard to let go. We have all been there: you have a best friend and then one day they’re not in your life anymore whether it be because of a conflict or you simply just drift a part. I’m a strong believer that environment shapes your view of the world and how you experience things. When I lose a friend, I always question: what did I do wrong? It takes me forever to come to terms with the fact that life happens, and some people are meant to be around, and some people aren’t, depending on where you are in life. I still don’t fully grasp that to be honest.
I spend years, literal years, wondering why things happen. I don’t ever fully let go, but one day I’ll just start noticing that every time I see them post on social media, I’m out here wishing them positivity and happiness instead of wondering where it all went wrong. That’s when I know that somehow, some way, I found a way to answer my questions, even if I don’t know the answers fully. I tend to find them though and the answer usually follows a general guideline: my friend was right for me then and they are not right for me now.
Honestly, there’s a few people right now that I miss like crazy and it really hurts my self-esteem because every time I see what they’re up to, I reminisce on the good times. Then I start to question what I could’ve done better: what if I hung out with them more? What if I texted them more? What if I didn’t let life get in the way? And we live in a society where if I asked these questions, I would seem crazy. Maybe I am crazy for wanting closure and answers. I’m sorry, but if we go from ride or dies to literal strangers, I think I’m allowed to ask why. But disagree if you want. I’m just the type of person that dislikes glossing over things. There’s always a reason and I’d rather hash it out than be left wondering.
I can’t wait until I have that moment where I just smile and think how happy I am for them. It puts my mind at ease and it stops me from berating myself. The “what if” questions really impact me. Letting go is a wonderful thing.
Anyways, as an ode to Ariana Grande: thank you, next. Though this process is painful at times, I’m glad I am able to go through it. I just want to say that I hold no negative feelings and I’m out here wishing you the best. Sometimes I hope you miss me too, but I know most people move on easier than I do. For any friend I’ve ever had, you were there for me one way or another and that means something to me. If I ever hurt you, I’m sorry. I like to think I’ve learned and grown. Nothing but positive vibes your way.
There was a time last year where I thought I had no friends of my own in London, and sometimes I still feel that way. However, the process has taught me what I want out of a friend. It has taught me to really value people who I think could be friends. It has taught me to put myself out there. It has taught me to spend time trying to get to know someone. It has taught me that friendships take time and effort. So, thank you, next. I’m ready for new friends but I’m also okay waiting for those quality people.
*THANK YOU, for those who are around. There will be no next with you. I appreciate you more than you ever know, my dear friends back home. I miss you forever. *