Uncertain times and self deprecation: time to blog?

I used to be a pretty hopeful person. Always dreaming of something better, always taking steps to get there. It was easy when I was younger. I could compartmentalize the bad stuff and focus on the good. I could sleep at night.

Now, being thrust into adulthood, I’m finding it harder and harder to keep the hope alive. Does anyone else feel like this? Maybe it’s just me but I’ve lost that sense of positivity and “everything will be alright” attitude. I used to think things happened for a reason and maybe I still do; I’m still trying to figure it out.

Honestly, I’ve been feeling less and less hopeful for a couple of years now (probably). I used to see the best in people and life and now I’ve lost that. I’m looking for ways to get it back but sometimes it’s hard to overlook the dreariness.

This week, I was laid off from my job due to department shifting, I may not get into my top school or any school I’ve applied for to be honest, and my relationships feel fragile (probably because I’m too focused on the bad). Everything right now is focused on finances because in 10 weeks I may not have a job.

Everything happens for a reason, if I get into school I might only need a part time summer job which would be amazing. That’s best case scenario but I can’t focus on that too long. Like I said, what if I don’t get into school either? I’ve always believed that if you work hard at something, you can achieve anything you want. Now I’m unsure about that too.

The thing is, when I’m already feeling down about life, I start to put myself down. I know that’s not healthy but I feel horrible inside and so I reflect it on the outside. I find problems with myself and constantly think about them. I used to preach about confidence and now it’s hard for me to find any.

I guess I’m writing this because I needed some way to compartmentalize all the things that have happened recently. Just an outlet to release them and try to move forward with some hope, confidence, and positivity. I’m aware these are not the worst things to happen and that situations can be worse, but I just needed some way to get it all off my chest because it’s been a trying week.

I like blogging and I hope I will do it more. Maybe that’s a way to move forward and get a little piece of myself back.

How do you keep the hope and confidence alive? Asking for a friend.

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